Saturday, November 19, 2011

My Burns

So it's hard to believe this semester is almost over!  It's been a wild ride to say the least. I don't even know where to start to be honest. God has turned my world upside down.  I feel like all the things I used to associate myself with have been stripped away so that I don't recognize who I am anymore.  The only thing I know is that I'm so swept away in who God is. He's showed me that His plan is way bigger than I could have imagined. I remember when it was hard to pray for an hour, but God has given me this passion so strongly that I crave Him like I crave food or water or sleep. It's so beyond what I understand, but I know that I wish I could just lock myself in a room with a piano and just play and sing to Him and never stop. What is this passion that I can't explain?  It's so unreasonable, crazy, and radical, but I know it's what I was born for. I was born to adore Him. I'm realizing for the first time how reasons to adore Him are endless.  I learn more every day of how worthy of adoration He is. His presence is all I want anymore. I'm tired of staying in the same old place. I want to be where God is. I know this is dangerous to say, but I want to go wherever He leads me. I know that He will be there with me. That's all that matters anymore. My prayer is that this passion can show in my lifestyle. I pray that I have the courage to go where everyone says is too dangerous or too crazy.  I want to live the dangerous life for Him. I'm tired of fear holding me back. God is on my side. Is there anyone greater than Him? Is there anyone greater to fear than Him? What has held me back all these years? I'm determined to be different. I'm determined to be that Christian that's just a little too crazy, a little too radical, a little too passionate, and a little to disruptive. I want to be all this and more for the glory of God. I can't do this without Him. He's given me this passion, so I'm trusting He'll give me the boldness to carry this out. I can't hold this passion in anymore. It's seeping out all over the place when I worship. I can't get enough of Him, yet my heart burns so much in His presence, sometimes I feel like I could die, but I don't even care! As long as I'm with Him, nothing else matters. Nothing else matters but His presence and all He is. I long to know the mystery of Him. Even as I type this, my heart is burning. It's burning so strong. I don't know what He's doing inside me but it's crazy and so wonderful. I'm new. I'm new. He's made me whole. No longer am I living in hurt and pain. He's set me free. Yes, I'm still messed up in so many ways, but I'm satisfied to be messed up my whole life as long as God walks me through it all. I know in time, I'll be everything He created me to be. For now, I'm happy to spend my whole life in this crazy love story, just discovering who my Jesus is. Who is this wonderful being who makes my heart burn and my eyes overflow with tears? My eyes overflow with tears out of longing to be closer to Him. I feel as though I'm going crazy. If I'm crazy, this is glorious insanity. I'm so full of joy. I've discovered the meaning of life and I want to shout it from the rooftops. I'm so in love with Jesus! He has made me new. He has set me free. I love Him more than all others!
So yeah things are going great!  Oh and on a side note..I should say that God has given me some of the greatest friends here who also share in my love for Him. I am so blessed. I can't wait to make a difference in this world with God as my only source of help. Life is good, so good. :)