Thursday, March 13, 2014

Here I Go Again....Forgetting I Have a Blog.

Well it's been quite awhile since I've written, and so much has happened. I'm not going to try to fill you in on all that has happened, but I will tell you about my life now as if you were a close friend to confide in.
I'm not sure what to write about, since God has been teaching me so much, but I will do the best that I can. I recently sent some of the songs that I wrote in for a professional review. I received a very helpful review on them, and I have a new drive to better the songs that I write. I am taking all of their advice to heart and I'm beginning to improve my songwriting skills.
I am excited, once again, about my music, when I was discouraged for so long. One thing I don't know is how this goes with the plan God has for me. I'm planning on going to Asia next fall for 9 months to do missionary work, then possibly start a family and perhaps make plans to go back on the missions field. How does my dream of recording line up with all of this? I know God has given me songs to share, but when will I ever have the time to invest time into this? I've learned that I need to just walk. God has put an enormous amount of dreams in my heart, but He is faithful to fulfill them all. I often ask: How can someone be a missionary to Africa, Asia, and everywhere and also be a wife, a mother, a musician, and live in an Amish community at one point, (don't worry I'm not planning to become Amish, only live amongst them for a time) and have a children's ministry and a deliverance ministry? It seems far fetched, right? But I know my God and I know that He will not put a dream in my heart if He didn't have every intention of making it happen. I may be 90 years old before some of these things happen, but I believe they will. Why? Because my God doesn't make mistakes and I believe He places dreams within us at the same time that He creates us.
As time is winding down at Elim Bible Institute I'm realizing that I have to go out and live all this stuff that I've learned. I'm a different person. I don't say that lightly. I didn't just grow up. My whole life and everything about me is different. I am more confident, I am living with Jesus in a way I could never imagine, and I am filled to overflowing with all the goodness of Christ. God keeps telling me it's time for me to step out, but it's a scary thing. I've been forming in this safe cocoon for so long, but now it's time to fly. Who knows what I will encounter, but I know God has put everything inside me that I need. Elim is a safe place. It's a shielded environment to grow in. But eventually it's time to step out and shine the light. God places the light in the darkness. I have to accept the fact that I will go to dark places...places people my hate me for my testimony. What is the truth? I think I'd rather die living the dreams God has put in my heart and loving Him with all my heart, rather than live with no conviction and no love for my Jesus. I have nowhere else to run to. God has always been faithful to me and has always been there for me. I'd follow Him to the darkest place, not only because I love Him, but because I'd be lost if I stopped following Him. Fear is still real to me though. I doubt I'm strong enough to live in this dark world. I doubt I will have the courage to stand up for what is right, and I doubt I'll have the guts to walk into an African village and let them hear the message of Jesus for the very first time. I have GOT to believe, though, that God will give me what I need when I need it. I've got to believe that He is my security. He's never let me down before, so why would He start now?