It's Okay to Have Nothing

This semester has been the most difficult semester so far as far as managing my time. I've felt overwhelmed and completely helpless at times. Quite often I've felt like a terrible student, a terrible friend, a terrible Christian and a terrible RA (resident adviser. I am a leader of 5 girls in my building). It's been such a struggle to just get through a week at times. God has been teaching me a lot during this season of stress. It's okay to have nothing to give. Quite often I've had nothing to give to others or to God. This past week especially, I felt like I had nothing to give, but everything was due and I was leading worship at chapel one day and I was going somewhere that weekend to preach to a youth group. I kept asking God to help me to accomplish all I needed to. He did, but not in the way I expected.
You see, something else God has been teaching me is how to be positive and how to counteract the negativity in myself and in others. I've begun to realize when I am negative or when I take on the negativity of others, I'm exhausted. It takes energy to be negative! But when I am positive, it surprisingly the opposite! It gives me the energy to keep going even when I think I can't. When people would ask me how my week was going I found myself saying, "I'm really stressed, but I know that God is going to come through for me in my weakest moments. Everything is going to be okay!" Wow! God is doing something deep in my heart. I normally would be freaking out, but instead I was declaring the truth of God. This one point last week I was going to a prayer meeting and I asked God if it was okay if they didn't ask me to lead worship that night. I had nothing to give. I was exhausted. It was as if this little voice said to me, "But when you have nothing to give, that's when I move." Sure enough, I arrived and I was asked to lead worship. I wasn't too nervous because I knew the pressure wasn't on me. I just needed to be a willing vessel that God could work through.
Towards the end of the week, I realized I had to preach soon. I was so nervous, but I kept giving it to God. I heard that a lot of the youth were exchange students from China. This made me excited, but even more nervous. Would they understand what I was saying? When I got there people were telling me a lot of them barely spoke English and that I need to use simple words and talk slowly. I became more nervous. My boyfriend reminded me of the passage I was preaching from. Romans 8:1-9 talks about living in the spirit verses living in the flesh. I got his point. I needed to not rely on my own strength, but trust that the Spirit would work through me. I needed to trust that when I am weak, He is strong. I preached, and it went great! In the beginning they were not focused, but suddenly I had all their eyes on me, and I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking through me. Not only did this teach me to rely on the Spirit more, but it also prepared me for next year. I'm planning on going to China next year. I love the irony. God really knows what He is doing!
So this is an encouragement to you no matter where you are in life. Rely on God. It's okay if you have nothing to offer. He likes that. He likes taking nothing and making something! If I recall correctly, we are made from dirt. So how much more can He use a child who has nothing but himself to offer?

It's Been Awhile...

Hello all! It has been quite awhile since I've posted anything, but I'm hoping to write much more in the future! Since I've written last, I've gone to NYC to do ministry, I started a new relationship, finished my junior year in Bible College,  gone to Peru for three weeks on a missions trip, worked with children at a Christian retreat for the summer, and became a Senior in Bible college! It has been quite the year of change and transitions, but I am excited about each and every change that has come into my life. God has been teaching me so much about being a leader and about overcoming my own fears and insecurities. It seems like when I step out of my comfort zone in one area, God brings me to a new level of discomfort. He never lets me get comfortable where I'm at. He is always pushing me to be the best I can be. I feel like I'm always being pushed outside my limits, but of course you can only become better if you are pushed beyond what you think you can do.
This year at Bible College I am an RA, which basically means I'm to watch over a group of girls and we have small group meetings once a week. It's strange to think that I'm in this new place when I remember what it was like to come in as a freshman and meet my RA. I don't feel that old yet! I feel very incapable of this job, but with every other thing this year that I felt incapable of, God has helped me! He enabled me to be what I could never be without Him. Over and over this summer when I thought I couldn't do something, and God met me in my weakness.
This past summer God really pushed me in my music. I go to a college where everyone seems to be musical, so I became very discouraged last year thinking God didn't want to use my music, but He wouldn't let me forget about it. I tried to give up at one point, but God wouldn't let me. This summer I was helping with worship team about twice a day, and God opened up doors for me in music. I started to believe I could lead worship and record music, just like I've wanted to do for so long. I was so encouraged this summer in my music. I actually got to record a song with a friend. I'm telling you this for two reasons: one, keep an eye out for my music that I might be posting on here eventually; and secondly, God will not let you forget your dreams. I love how God fought for the gifts and the dreams that He has put in my heart. He will do the same for you. Don't give up on the dreams that are in your heart. God loves to put dreams, crazy dreams in our hearts and then watch our amusement as He causes them to come to pass. Trust in Him and wait for Him to fulfill those dreams. He will, if He put those in your heart.
I will post another blog again soon! :)