NYSUM is scary to me for many reasons. I am scared of speaking in front of people. I desire to do it, but I'm scared to actually step out in it. I want to share the love of Christ, but there's this fear in me that freezes me. I was honest with God yesterday as I arrived in NYC. I told Him that I wanted to be willing to do anything. But I also told Him I couldn't promise Him I could always follow through. I couldn't promise Him that I wouldn't shrink back in fear at times, but I would try to follow through. My heart's desire is to be fearless and unashamed of the Gospel, but I'm not there yet in all honesty. My knees knock and my heart faints when I think of sharing the Gospel with others. I'm scared even to be in the city. I'm a country girl. I don't feel like I belong here, yet here I am. I feel like I could drown in such a huge city. My comfort zone is in my field with my guitar. This is another world to me, yet God has put me here. It's so unreal. I can't wait to see what He does in me and in those around me. I can't wait to see how I will be used by God.
Another reason NYSUM is hard for me is because during this time I'm letting go of some hopes and dreams, hoping I will get them back, but not having a promise that I will. It's very scary to place something in God's hands not knowing if you will get it back, but that's what God has asked me to do. God is teaching me to rely fully on Him and no one else. As hard as this is, there is peace in the midst of it. I don't know what my time here holds for me, but I know that God has me in His hands. He's been so faithful to show me that.
I do not have a lot of time, so this is a short one. However, keep me and my class in prayer, as I'm sure there will be warfare against us as we minister to dark places. Pray for unity and focus for all of us. Blessings to you! Thank you for reading. Hopefully I will be able to write again soon.