So it's the end of week four at Elim! I can't believe I've been here that long already, but at the same time it seems like I've lived here my whole life. Everyone is so friendly and I feel like it's just a big family. I've made so many awesome friends who are as strange as me...which is a bonus for sure. Makes me feel somewhat normal. Well...maybe not normal. At least I feel like I fit in. I can't imagine not being with these awesome people. I've just grown to love them so much in such a short amount of time.
God has been working in me a lot too. He doesn't waste any time, that's for sure. I'm starting to realize my identity has not been in Christ, but in other people's opinions of me. God is starting to show me that ONLY His opinion matters. I can't get fulfillment out of other's praises. God says I'm beautiful and I don't know why. He's starting to teach me what He sees. When God looks at us, He sees perfection because Christ as cleansed us from all imperfection. He sees the finished project, not the flaws or mistakes. I've been praying that God will show me what He sees as I look in the mirror, not what I see. All I can see is imperfection and flaws. I need to see myself how God does, otherwise I will find that approval elsewhere. Since I've been here, I have been seeking approval from others. I only end up disappointed, hurt, and rejected. Only when I look to God can I be fulfilled and satisfied with who He has made me to be, and only then can I stop being so wrapped up in myself and help others.
I was in chapel last week and I was feeling so disappointed in myself. I just knew I didn't measure up to who I wanted to be or who God wanted me to be. I was broken. We sang this bridge in worship, "Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way." As we began to sing this to God, I had this vision of Jesus taking my hands in His and singing it to ME before I had a chance to sing it to Him. I was shocked. I was like, "No God, not me." But He kept singing it to me.
Be encouraged, when God looks at you, He sees beauty, perfection, and His glory. He doesn't see your flaws. He sees who He made you to be. Being yourself is actually an act of worship, because you're being who He created you to be.