God is so faithful. I got a great job that just landed in my lap. The people are great, and it pays pretty good. I had to get used to the idea of going to work everyday, seeing as how I became used to owning my own time. I received a pretty quick wake up call from real life. After the shock of it, I learned to accept the fact that I am an adult and I'm growing up. However, I will never allow myself to lose the simplicity and playfulness of a child. That's not something I ever want to part with, even when I'm old and grey with arthritis and no hearing.
Making time for God has been a struggle these past few weeks, although He's never far from my thoughts. I'm constantly asking Him to use me in the lives of those around me. I haven't told many of my co-workers, but I've grown to like them very much in just these few short weeks. I pray for them often and think of them often. Their personalities and interests are so different, but yet so beautiful. The more people I get to know, the more I learn to love the differences in everyone. It's amazing just how unique everyone is. God has been filling me with love for people to an extent I don't always understand or know how to express. I just feel like I'm overflowing sometimes and I want to pour God's love out on somehow. It sounds strange when I say it, but it's true. I just want people to know how beautiful their uniqueness is and that God made them that way. So few people know this. They feel the need to be like everyone else, not realizing they are compromising something very special Christ put in them: uniqueness. It's better for people to love you as you rather than love you for who you are pretending to be. As you read this you might be in the same place as I was at one point. I didn't know who I was, so I couldn't be me. God created you so He knows who you were meant to be. Ask Him to show you, and He will.
My life seems to be full of uncertainty right now. It's so easy to want to fight it and figure things out, but that would mess up God's lesson in the uncertainty. There have been some things that have consumed my thoughts so much that I've felt bad. I've said, "God, I'm so sorry You're not what is consuming my thoughts! I can't seem to focus." I just hear His still small whisper say, "My Kelsey, don't feel guilty for a lesson I am teaching you now." God knows our hearts and our struggles and wants to walk us through them. There's a few potential opportunities in my life now, but I don't know what God's will is for them. I want to record a cd, and I think it will happen but I don't know when or how. I feel God calling me to Africa, and I think it's for next summer, but I'm not totally sure. I have so many desires and passions rolling around in me, and I have no clue how they are going to fall into place. At first it drove me crazy. Now, I'm at peace. I'm sure at times I will become anxious again, but I'm slowly learning to embrace the uncertainty. I know that God's way is best. He's proven it to me again and again. I know that God sees the desires of my heart. He knows what I'm created for better than I do. I can trust my future with Him. Though my life is so uncertain right now, I know who is the author of my story and I know He delights in happy endings. I'll write again soon!